WORD, Microsoft

hi. Hello. um, let’s see what I can find here… oh! My full name is rain amber Javier carmona. Ya can call me amber. My birthday is on the 3^rd of December. Uh… I am young, and obviously naïve especially since I got shy and introverted written on my face. I fangirl too much and spazzing plus hyperventilating is my thing especially when it comes to seeing flames pond on youtube… I eat oreos and I hate veggies. I like ice cream and fictional characters. I know myself as socially awkward and far from outgoing cuz that’s what I think people see. I am attracted to nothing but zombies and this Minnesotan boy called owl city. Hah. Have u heard of him? Very dorky. I like to examine pictures of space and galaxies: pretty stuff, ya should know. i wear owl city ballers. Ya know, I own adam young pictures. They’re breathtaking, heh. Um I also like Windsor airlift and port blue cuz they’re this big explosion of coolness. I’m a concertgoer. I enjoy the weekends yet I am pessimistic about what comes next pfffft. Tumblr is awesome. Er I have zombie apocalypse and owl city dreams. Owl city owl city owl city. OMGSH YES. Um, Christmas is near and it’s exciting. No winter here for us. My brothah, adam, who is an alert almost seven year old boy, haz a pet bird named loki. It’s partner, skittles, died months ago. Huhu sad, I tell ya. I uh clearly like listening to music and oh yes singing is a hobby. I enjoy writing so so so very very very much. Not religious, yet I have beliefs like ya do. This is real this is me. um um… um… I believe in fairies. Very peter pan. If I ever get abducted by aliens, its adam young’s fault. Ya need to know that kind of info for the future, peep. Ehhh I’m random. I dislike typos. So if ya a typo, I no likey ya. I cheer on for those fangirls who are jealous of that blond girl adam young is hugging in the teaser of the youtopia by armin van buuren ft. adam young (duh) music video. Can’t wait. Let’s hyperventilate d00d…….. Breanne duren is a sunflower from plants vs zombies, don’t ya know such thing? Cute. Adorbs. Nyanhagnaha. I haz headphones, ya wanna borrow? I don’t think ya wanna borrow that cuz it’s mine grr. I haz a crush on owls. Very relevant, ya must be aware of. My physical reflection scares me. aha, truth brothah. My mom haz this likey for owl city’s beard. It isn’t always present. HAHA too bad for her. I haz two dawgs called vanny and chowder. Vanny is sometimes stupid (ok maybe always) and chowder is happy and fun yeah. I ship kataang from avatar: the last airbender and klaine from glee hihi. Emotional me hihi huhu HIHI huhu…

so tell meh darling d0 ya wIsh wed fall in love ? ?

ol da tyme.

An Escapist's Flight

“Do you miss them?”

The crickets sung with the twinkling of the stars, pushing away any silence left. The cold air gripped on my skin, licked the strands of dry hair away from my eyes. I could feel the ocean under my fingertips, conducting the waves the moon didn’t pull anymore. The ignition of contentment burst through me and dared to tickle the corners of my mouth. I didn’t feel lonely because the violet sky was there. The magic was there. The happiness was there. I could taste the glitter on my tongue so pronouncedly.

“Miss who?” I inhaled a tank of air through my nostrils, savoring the infectious smell of heavenly butterfly wings and wet bamboo, doing my best to remember. I cherished the sound of wind chimes below me, under the roof. The shadows projected on the tress buzzed aloud with the lively lullabies of the night, caring only for the sad, torturous hymns of the faraway lands. I still felt the cold tears screeching down my face. Haunting, fresh, little openings carelessly cut open.

An escapist’s dream come true was the never-ending loneliness a lifetime could bring. Reality wasn’t life for me; it was a trap I recklessly fell in. Lured by the curiosity eating my vision, I tested my survival in the social beings of earthly minds, synchronizing all their bare wants and aspirations. My eyes were red with the cruelty of things unseen. Unseen by society, puzzled and misunderstood and excoriated perhaps.

Nothing will ever be better than an escape for an escapist.

“Friends. Family.” Again, the ocean waves tugged under my toughened fingertips, but like a flame they burned through the horizons I have seen from afar. The days have been submersed for too long and are almost unfamiliar even through the transparency of the water.

It felt like I just woke up.

“No,” I whispered, hugging myself, scratching my sides, “I don’t.”

“Why not?” The thunderous boom quaked and convulsed, stunning my ribs and flicking on the sad electricity in my eyes, whispering all the hundreds of echoes of reminiscence to my eardrums. The shrill feeling of being yanked back into the state I would rather not be in traumatized all I was.

I shouted back, “This is where I belong!” Strong and sure. Nervous, I laughed. Curse nightmares, curse nightmares, curse nightmares, curse…

“Is it, really?” Shivering. “Wake up now.”

“No.” Wails.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“No.” No, no, no. No.

“Awake.”

“No!” Please.

“AWAKE!”

“NO!”

Darkness.

Being a dreamer wasn’t always easy. The dawn of physical consciousness to the reality of “life” was like the breaking of glass at a bank. Unwanted screaming and adrenaline, shock, fear. I missed the beginning of dozing off and the unrealistic pictures of fantasy. It was gone too soon and too fast. Not being connected to home was being dead.

“Wake up.” The nightlight was on, and mother tried to pull me out of bed.

The Dreamer and The Angel

wake up, wake up, wake up


I rub the sparkly dust off of my eyes, stretching myself across the mattress. I could feel the vibration of the bed, and I feel funny.

I open my eyes to the unreal scene before me. This doesn’t look like my room; the walls are painted white, but colored with flashing strobe lights that look like unnatural lightning. I see vines climbing up the tall walls, crawling to cover the ceiling. And now I see monkeys outside from my spot on the bed, through the huge window at one side of the room.

I still feel funny. Everything feels funny. I can even taste something funny. I cough, and out goes blue glitter from my system.

Up above my head, the vines separate, and they give me access to watch the running sky. Blue, indigo, red, purple, black. A star falls on my upper lip. I lick it off. I could taste something like the combination of sweet, sweet caramel and ink-spoiled blood.

I am sitting already when the hospital blanket wraps around me like a fierce snake, hinting to suffocate with a short twist. I’m afraid. Panicking, I struggle with fear as the blanket won’t drop dead, and instead curl around my alarmed body like it was my cocoon. The strobe lights stop flashing. They suddenly bring in the amber glow. I'm dying, so I lie back on my bed… and close my eyes.

Next thing I know when my eyelids get unscrewed is that I’m not at the same place. Fireflies dress me from head to toe in my pajama wear. I scream, but it’s too late. They dissolve into my skin. My scalp, my fingernails, my joints. I collapse to the ground on my knees, gripping the damp grass underneath me. It starts raining, and I shriek as the ice cold drops kiss the back of my neck and trail to my lips, freezing there like they want me to stop emitting noise. I press my palms onto the grass and tear it away from the wet soil. I dig my nails into the ground. I glow.

The glow is a yellow green. And it enters the earth. I think I’m going back to normal, but no. I just keep glowing brighter and brighter along with the world in my eyes. Everything, except for the sky, is now drenched in the color of starlight. It almost looks permanent.

I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired. But I’m also being driven by a power that won’t leave me no matter what I want. I cry tears of the evening stars. It’s still pouring.

I don’t know anything else. But I do know that I get sucked into the ground.

God help me. I’m falling, I’m falling, I’m faaAAAAAAAAaaalling. Butterflies try to catch me, but I’m too heavy for their stitched-up wings to carry. The sound of violins and thunderstorms flow into my ears. I let out another high-pitch shriek, feeling my stomach fold into the smallest origami to be ever made. It’s useless flailing my arms towards every direction when there’s nothing to stop gravity as it works.

But then, of course, I stop falling. The unexpected always happens.

Someone is drying my closed eyelids with their smooth hands, carrying me with the softest feathers ever. I whimper when I feel hard cement under me. Safety, does that mean?

I open my eyes. I’m introduced to the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. So shy. So violet. So bright. So wondrous. Those eyes tell the story of life. And maybe, if I could stare into it more, I could see the future in them. I want to see the future in them. I want to see my future in them.

I’m being too hopeful again. I’m wanting too much again. Because the angel steps back and shoots up to the sky. A few of its milky white feathers leave in its wake. Dreamy. It hurts. It hurts perniciously.

When I wake up, everything is normal. Too normal.

And I wish I was dreaming again instead.

A Look

Hiiiiiiii.

Tomorrow, classes will resume. Today is the last day of my school’s semestral break, and I’m trying hard for it not to let it bring down my spirits. I’m not so optimistic, and I find it hard to enjoy going to school. This also has something to do with my introverted ways because I really prefer being alone most of the time. There are a big number of students in my class. And that fact right there doesn’t brighten up anything.

But I gotta say I’m excited for this week in some other way.

It’s my dad’s birthday this Thursday, November 10^th, 2011. He’s not so old. I got most of my natural craziness from him, which I don’t regret having born with. Cuz I wuz born dis waY!

And, also, this Wednesday, November 9^th, and for other parts of the world (time zone, people): Tuesday, November 8^th, Glee will be airing their third season's fifth episode titled The First Time. It is confirmed that this episode will focus on the relationship of two couples: Finchel and Klaine. This made a majority of the Gleeks go psycho, and I can tell you that you haven’t seen or heard anything yet till you create a Tumblr account and follow Finchel/Klaine shippers. We, shippers, are rabid dogs. We are avid.

I can’t say much about Finchel because they’re just like any other fictional, heterosexual pair in the world. What’s got me shrieking on the inside is, of course, Klaine. I, an introverted, quiet teen, ship two openly gay characters together. I don’t ship them because I’m gay (I’m not. And I think it’s too early to find out if I am.). I also don’t ship them because it’s what’s everyone is AJSKADHDKJUEHQAS-ing about. I ship them because they’re happy, besides the fact that they’re adorable…

And don’t you know that this episode is also a step towards acceptance? Homosexuals aren’t accepted in society because of WHO THEY ARE and WHO THEY LOVE. I can tell you my point of view. I don’t think it’s immoral to love who you truly do. Okay – what if your religion doesn’t approve of any of it? This isn’t about your religion. You don’t need to support them or even think they’re right if you don’t want to. Just please don’t voice your opinions because they can hurt people. Nobody is forcing you to fight.

I can’t really fight. But I want to support and defend. The reason why The First Time is a big step to acceptance because it will feature two couples. One is straight, and the other is obviously gay. Both pairs are so in love that they want to go all the way. And they’re probably going to do it in the same episode. I look at this as an opportunity for the world – humans – to see that a man can love a man, and it’s the same with women. Homosexuals can love like heterosexuals can.

It’s simple to accept it that way, and see the world through someone else’s perspective. I know that the world has many distinct principles. I respect that, but I plead you not to judge others like you’re the most exalted being to ever live.
Here's a question: Why even bother to join in the world's problems? I'm juvenile. And ridiculously little. I'm a naif. But maybe, possibly, miraculously, I could somehow change the world around me.
Through a blog.

Please, wherever you are, step with us as we try to recruit others to accept.